Vampires Keeping Me Up At Night

The Big Easy eventually became quite magical, but at first I was far from impressed. Perhaps it was the white pill that helped, or maybe I just needed to get out from behind the wheel, but I was immediately disappointed with NOLA while getting lost on her elevated highways. Once we settled our things into our hotel room, we walked around outside and I found the city to be exactly what I was hoping for. Once the sun dipped below the skyline, we took the St. Charles Ave streetcar onto Canal and crossed over onto Bourbon St. From street corner one there were folks playing zydeco and jazz, and the smell of cigar smoke and alcohol flooded my senses further. We found ourselves on a second story latticed balcony eating an oyster po’boy and puffin on a cigar while watching the magnificent spectacle that is the inebriated human being. A couple of blocks away from our hotel is the Garden District. These homes are mind-boggling brilliance of early colonial American architecture that’s a nice comp

Last Halloween I picked my favorite three vampire films. Today I figured I should pick my fave three vampire books. These are in order, but can be changed from emotion to emotion, or night to night. In lieu of my upcoming trip to New Orleans, Anne Rice’s brat prince comes in at numero uno vampiro. #3 is Bram Stoker’s Dracula . He is, after all, the king of vampires, the “Sacred Ancestor”. While werewolves and zombies have been trying to take a bite out of his omnipresent undead ass as the king of pop culture horror for years now, it’s still his and the children of the night’s party, this holiday we call Halloween. And no single book or character has been as influential in the deluge of Hollywood films and literature the past several decades as the daddy of them all. Dracula is absolutely as iconic as Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, or perhaps more appropriate, the Devil himself. #2 Vampire Hunter D Volume 2: Raiser of Gales is my Lord of the Rings, my Star Wars and Harry Potter all ro

So I’ve spoken with Anne Rice. It was via email, but I was excited nonetheless. Anne was very nice, pleasant and respectful. She responded quickly to my email, too. Within hours… Before I realized that she no longer lived in New Orleans (somehow I forgot this important little fact) I asked her if it would be a possibility to have my original copy of The Vampire Lestat signed by her. I’m usually not one for autographs, but I figured while I was in her New Orleans, I would give it a shot. Now, I did not ask to meet her in person; no, I flat out said that I could place it in her mailbox or P.O. My intention was never to seem like another stalker-fan. Basically she said no, at the moment, but it was understandable. She is inundated with book-signing requests, and it apparently became out of control, the eBay enterprise. But she even requested that I contact her again in the near future, and that hopefully by then she would have a system in place to accommodate my request. Just the fact th

So I’ve been re-reading The Vampire Lestat again, and I’m wondering how much this book in particular fashioned some of my ideas about the world and life, or if I simply enjoyed the character and the Vampire Chronicles so much because my attitudes towards death and Heaven and Hell are so similar to Lestat’s? I first read the book in 1997. That’s about the same time I was coming up with my own anti-God, anti-Christian musings. And you know, I’m actually kind of worse off for it all. I mean, like Lestat mentions before being turned, blue skies are never quite as blue since I began to question these things. Sure, I’m not always doom and gloom, but the world changed the moment I began to question everything, the moment I realized, if you will, that there isn’t anything after this. And that is the hardest thing to believe. This mentality empirically reveals that living is the hardest thing of all to do. We’re the ones with regrets and worry and anger, while those who pass are consigned to

We are headed to the Vampire Lestat Fan Club’s annual gathering, dubbed for 2009 Tru Blood and Gold Ball. Obviously there’s a nod to Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse books and Anne Rice’s later Vampire Chronicles books. An ideal title considering that Charlaine will be at this year’s ball. Personally I’m stoked! I’ve tried for years to get to New Orleans for the ball, and I will finally be there this Halloween. This is a revelation. I've been re-reading The Vampire Lestat in anticipation, and I've started the sequel to Fat White Vampire Blues , called Bride of the Fat White Vampire . I will be costumed as one of Charlaine's characters, a simpleton undead Elvis Presley called Bubba. An Elvis wig, Elvis glasses and pair of vampire fangs are the gist of my costume, and my lovely hot-assed girlfriend will be a Merlotte’s-garbed Sookie. Wow, walking around New Orleans during Halloween. I pray for fog… This is going to be great. If you're interested check out the fan c

Out there is getting darker, grayer by the moment. A sprinkle of rain is falling now. It’s chilly out there. But in here, it’s warm, exacerbated by the glow of yellow light above me. Before me is the manuscript. Beside me is a single white pill. Both affect me differently, but haunt me just the same. Chevelle’s bass line strums my synapses into anticipated euphoria for now and what's coming... This is the moment that makes whatever I do worthwhile. Whether I begin striking keys into forming words and paragraphs or sitting stoned in front of my movie posters on the wall, it’s all the same. It flies by quickly, and I wonder during each and every second of it, “How long will it last this time?” Doesn't matter. I keep writing. Later, I'll be sleeping, and I'll have other questions that need answers. But it will soon be October, Halloweentober. And I'll be happy. 31 days of movies, ghost stories, jack-o'-lanterns. Haunted Houses. The Earth turning into a Thomas Kinca

After years of half- assedly searching for literary agents and publishers for my first novel ( UNIQUE , which is still not as mint and perfect as I’d like it to be) I’m starting to feel like self-publishing is the way to go. I never began writing this novel for the sole glory of hitting the publishing lottery. No, I started this story for myself, and eventually for other people like me to enjoy; people who are into comics, vampires, and sex. So if I never have the gratification of receiving an acceptation letter in the mail from some big New York publishing house, should that really hurt my chances of becoming a published author and sharing my story?

Okay, today’s pretty good. I’m pilled up, Ravens would kind of a shocking week 1 game at home yesterday, and the boss is on vacation. The weather’s good and, well, class isn’t too out of control yet. Double header Monday Night Football tonight and I’m off tomorrow. I must find time to write in WITNESS tomorrow! All my hopes and dreams hinge on publishing these books. Planning for Memphis and New Orleans has taken up a lot of my time, but that's cool.

The O’s complete another losing season in a week or two. My hypochondria seems to be getting worse, and I’m back on the white optimism. I haven’t even thought about either UNIQUE or WITNESS since classes began. One good thing coming up is the trip to Memphis and New Orleans in the end of October with Theresa in our first road trip in the Mustang. And at least football’s back this weekend. Finally a team from Baltimore to cheer for that wins. Anyway, this has been easily the quickest summer of my life. The coolest, too. I’m quite blown away, really. I’ve stopped drinking, hanging with friends, and generally doing anything. Things are great with my GF. But I wonder if maybe I am just depressed. As you may know, I’m not fond at all of the word or its definition; but what else could it be. I’ve even lost my appetite and cravings for food! Today I eat only out of habit and for sustenance. This is both good and bad.

I've all but forgotten about my stories. For some reason a severe case of ADD has taken over my psyche, and I can't think straight most days. I've come down with a bad case of hypochondria (sic) and I feel like something's wrong with me. Maybe it's withdrawal, I do not know. I've been taking the big X for these crazy panic attacks. You'd think it's the end of the world or something. Sat in the Emergency Room for four hours yesterday, and finally walked out when my headache was long gone. Something's gotta change or I'm gonna go pop.

I was young again, maybe 6 years old. Walking home from school, I suppose, a car pulled up beside me. I remember it as a brown station wagon - there was some orange in there too - and the passenger door opened. I cried. I don't remember what was being said to me, but I was supposed to get in the car. I didn't want to get in. But I did. Then I realized that it was the driver was family, and I thought to myself "it's okay." When we arrived home, I stepped out of the car, and when I closed the door, I was no longer a child in Elementary school. I was an adult and I bowed over in pain. I think I shivered. But there was this howl, or scream, and I stood up looking in all directions like a prairie dog. And I took off running. Though I never looked behind me, I could feel arms reaching for me, gaining on me, and I couldn't run any faster or any longer as the pain in my right leg gave way and I toppled over. I face planted in the dirt, and closed my eyes. When I came

One week free of the menacing, ethereal grip of the wonder pill, and then I blow it. Well it's no longer the vampires keeping me up at night, but then, you already knew that. Now it's sudden panic attacks just when I turn the light out. Something terrible haunts me right when I close my eyes, and I feel my heart pounding in my chest, vibrating through the matress and beating in my ears. Trust me, it won't take much longer for me to see the Dr. There could soon possibly be another wonder pill in my near future if this sticks around...

Well as I was out for my daily walk last night and I came up with a beautiful ending for WITNESS! That's it, it's done...or just about, anyways. I concluded the story in a nice way of wrapping up the first two a bit better. The lightning was flashing all around me (quite close, indeed) and it just hit me. Not the lightning, well - in a way the lightning, but the ending was written as soon as I got in. And this third day without harmful substances in my body isn't so bad. It's amazing, really, how things change so quickly...

The highs and lows continue. For instance, last night the Orioles came back from down 10 runs to beat the high and mighty Sox. Yes, that was astounding. Today, however, they lose in the top of the 9th with a four-run lead. I have been several days without white optimism, and I think tomorrow - the third day successively without them - will be the hardest. But this mentality will probably change when tomorrow night comes. I am planning our Halloween in New Orleans. I am waiting anxiously for that first evening walking amongst the Passed as the chills crawl along my arms and the smell of Cajun cooking lures me into another spot, my ears tingling with the tunes of saxophones and trumpets. I'm wondering, though, how all of this will be experienced if I do not have the added comfort of P.

Well the O's had something special goin on, and they blew it. No surprise there. But then I received my grades for the semester, and I earned a D in one class. That grade was a joke. So whatever, there. But now, I found myself in a full-blown creative episode the past couple days, in regards to WITNESS. I practically designed the entire ending, and to me, it was awesome. It came full circle in many ways, and I was happy and excited just writing every paragraph. So the Orioles can suck it; my American History teacher can suck it. Summer is here and I'm creative so it's all good...

Despite the O's getting swept out of New York, they have since won two games in DC. And despite the impending rain, I'm looking forward to a good Memorial Day with my friends, plenty of hot dogs and beer. And I've been writing WITNESS all morning. Class is done for the summer, and it appears I have gotten decent grades. Now, I relax for three days off...

So I sent Evander and his host to Saturn last night. I'm writing a really beautiful and exciting piece of WITNESS at present, so I can't wait to get back to it this evening.

WITNESS has been stagnated by last week's preparation for finals. Thankfully this semester is over Tuesday. It's killing my creativity.

I'm beginning to show all of the signs of a genius. I'm recluse, somewhat bi-polar, and quite prone to these lil white pills of optimism. My work ethic is near obsessive compulsive. If only the talent was there... And just in case you don't know, dear diary, I'm full of shit.

The more I write the more I see my intentions, in regards to the plot of WITNESS, of the two scales: the outright grand and the human experience.

It's early and raining. Were going to brunch soon. I'm listening to Coldplay's LOST! and I've decided on placing two climaxes in WITNESS, one fairly early on and as there is two stories being told, another at the end. Well I'm hungry so I'm off...

In the midst of the prettiest week of the year - it's sunny and 70! - I have a dark cloud hanging over me. Apparently there is a target on my back at work because I was sick enough to get a check up. Shocking how you can be given Sick Days, and then chastised for using them... Regardless, I'm feeling a little better. Don't know where the bout of wooziness came from, but it seems to be dissipating. Writing WITNESS has been fun. I'm goin to the Yard on Sunday; supposedly it will be in the 80s! Life could be worse, but I wouldn't know it with weather like this.

Today was...interesting. Power went out at work so I left half a day. As the power went out, we had a downpour with hail. Abrubtly it stopped and gave way for the bluest sky in literally 2 seconds. And I'm very anxiety free. I feel very good about a lot of things, most notably Witness.

I'm blogging from the iPhone today. Can't write at the moment, but I have a clear head. Pill overload this past weekend. Sober but in pain today. Mistve come with the rain... I will be studying tonight, but I'm sure I'll open up Witness too.

Well the assimilation of the original Book 2 and what I had envisioned for the series's finale has begun to come together really well. I'm happy with it. I now have direction. The scope of the book is epic. 30 pages down.

While UNIQUE marinates... (Some notes:) My plan for the series AFTER MAN was to conclude the story way far in the future, thousands of years. That's one of the reasons I wanted to write vampire stories - they can live quite a long life if they're careful enough. So, what kind of world would these creatures inhabit 10,000 years after mankind relinquished power? Turns out, that's a work in progress. But this is how I wanted to introduce the second novel. I wanted it to begin in the far future, because personally I don't want to wait 20 years for the opportunity to write what I want to write today. So, the limited pages of notes I have for the finale will be Incorporated to Book 2. I'm okay with this, I guess. Book 2's plot is only a few decades after the first story, but I wanted a way to time travel these characters without a time machine. Now, Book 2's plot deals mostly with Evander's search for Tammie - directly where we leave off in UNIQUE , and his

These days, it's hard to get out of the house. If it isn't money, it's depression, or just plain old laziness. But with the arrival of Spring, I have no choice. I simply cannot sit in the house all of the time. The warmer weather is an aphrodisiac for me. And the warm weather also brings back baseball. So yesterday I spent the day at Oriole Park at Camden Yards for the Orioles FanFest. Apart from the gale-force winds, it was an incredible day. There were loads of fans in orange and black, and I personally got to see our new pitcher Koji Uehara! My nephew and my friend's son got along wonderfully and I'm sunburned (or windburned, I'm not sure). Weather like this is the only thing that certifiably quaffs my depression. Oh, and on another note, I've just finished my cover letter and resume for potential internship at Baltimore Magazine. But, right now, it's beautiful out, and I'm going to enjoy it. Till next time...

You know the saying, "It could be worse," right? And I understand it. Hell, I live it! I am absolutely the last person you would call ungrateful. I feel blessed, for lack of a better word. But I wonder sometimes just how mental I really am. Maybe it's just American culture. I'm the bi-product of decades of televisional (did I just create a new adjective?) violence and heroism and drama and love. So I often wonder what the big deal with life is all about. Before I get too deep, I'll explain. Via television or comic books or novels or whatever, only ghosts, robots, vampires, aliens and probably God exists. Here, in our reality, all of this stuff is science fiction. Well, that leaves a sour taste in my mouth sometimes. I mean, how boring is our reality really? While the cosmos completely make me rethink everything that I know and believe, here on Earth life is far from extraordinary. There are no men in blue and red tights flying through our soaring skyscrapers and

Holy wow is this script huge! It's towering... I've printed out the entire script so that I can revise a hard copy. I've picked up a composition book, and I'm going to dig in this weekend.

Well I've been doing everything but the thing that means the most to me - writing. Other than spending time with my girlfriend. Hi sweetie! UNIQUE has sat for long enough. I pulled it out of cyber -purgatory and printed it out, so that I may make some hard revisions. I guess now's the time, because I started to miss the story, the characters. For me, that was cue enough... The screenplay project, the MARVEL project - these things will be there, but I don't have the strong emotional desire to work on them as much. So it's back to the book that is so much a part of me. Oh yeah, it's the first day of Spring! Sweet...

Bitter disappointment today. Marvel apparently no longer accept writing solicitations. A week ago it was, blah blah "Marvel is always looking for talent" and now it's "Marvel no longer accepts submissions." What a kick in the ass. Granted I haven't received replies from both of my letters to them, but I'm sure with this news I can now look forward to not hearing from them at all. Huge waste of my time it was even writing the submission. I honestly worked up something so well-written that I unbiasedly attest is much better than most of the stuff coming out in the medium today. But this is me being bitterly in denial, so I'll shut the hell up presently. Good day to you all.

Nothing is certainly new. My fingers are still crossed, regarding Marvel. I really think I put together an ambitious letter inquiry for them. Now, if I could just get them to want to see my writing... If not, I will do my best to overwhelm their mail department with inquiry letters for the next few weeks. Eventually, someone's going to write back. I still haven't touched UNIQUE . This has to be a good thing. This is the longest I have gone without opening up the story and fixing something. The movie script project has been without attention lately, too. How unfortunate is the only thing I can think of. For thirty pages I was bursting with energy and creativity. I think I really got caught up in the BLADE script, and that settled me down for a few weeks. I need to get the enthusiasm back! And then there's school. Astronomy is the only class that can retain my interest for an hour and a half. But it's good to have the history lessons refreshed in my mind. It's good t

I've been away for a while, but I'm staying busy. The Spring semester kicked off this week, and so far my classes are great, especially Astronomy. This is something I would want to do for the rest of my life, if my written word doesn't pay so well. Baseball is so close I'm beginning to foam at the mouth. Barely 8 weeks away and I have my season tickets for Sunday games almost purchased. There is just something about Spring in Baltimore... Anyway, the Script Project was going really well into page 30. One quarter down, and I stumbled like I do so often. But I will finish it, because I think it's a really good script. And vampires are still keeping me up at night. I revamped my BLADE story for MARVEL, and I'm mailing my Idea Proposal tomorrow. So, that's three projects on my lap. No problem.

Today I realized like a verbal slap in the face why I want to write for a living. Maybe I'm too nice, I don't know - but I don't like being disrespected. And I was today; you would've thought I had taken money from her purse the way she treated me, too. My boss, I'm referring to. For the first time I did not even feel welcome here. How am I supposed to work with that in the back of my head, now? This just emphasizes how valuable my education is. If I needed further encouragement this was it, as classes begin tomorrow. I know, everyone has bosses - but not everyone has bosses that look at you like you're disposable. I was so close to just giving my notice and walking away. My tax refund is almost here, and I could've survived on it for a couple months, at least. Hell, I still might. One of the big reasons I'm (possibly) lazy is that I don't want to work my ass off in a dead-end job. I mean, what's the point? Seriously, I'm not happy here, but

So, I haven't gotten much writing done. Shocker, right? I know. But with the far-reaching salmonella scare going around, I inadvertantly ate some peanut butter which I realized later may have been contaminated. Well the FDA does not list the Little Debbie snack I ate, so whatever I'm feeling today may just be a cold. The hypochondriac in me wouldn't let it go, however. And today I'm feeling worse, no doubt the efforts of my mind getting the best of my body. This is a shame because I was really on a roll with the script project.

I watched over 10 hours of the Inauguration yesterday. Shame, I live half an hour away from DC, and I had every intention of going, but things started to persuade me from going. One, I didn't have a dollar in my wallet. Two, I don't own a pair of gloves. Three, I don't particularly like being elbow to elbow for six hours, in the cold with no gloves. Or maybe it was just pure laziness! So, I watched picturesque DC on the television, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. President Obama's speech was awesome. It wasn't pretentious. Rather, it was honest. He blamed some Americans for the way the Economy is presently, and that was the right thing to do. Whether you ripped off your company for billions or failed to pay your $300 credit card because you had to eat first, there's a lot of blame to go around. But we're all in this together. And it felt good to have this new beginning in front of us. Things are still going to get worse before it gets better - we all know that

The Ravens got their asses handed to them. I've been writing the film script all day, trying not to think too much about it. It's just a game, right? Well...

As I begin writing another project, I started to realize how much UNIQUE means to me. To be honest, it means everything. While I'm stoked about this script project, this novel and the series has my soul within it. My thoughts, actions, hopes and aspirations are in each page, and I still have that deep confidence inside my gut that just knows that I'm going to see this thing published. And as I continue to query agents, I'm going to use this hiatus on UNIQUE to develop my craft in another writing genre, the film script. I've recently written an article for submission at the New York Times, but apparently it was declined for publication. No biggie, I'm going to write something else. And possibly for other papers, as well. My goal is to have something small published before classes resume in early February.

I don't know why, but today feels like a good day. I woke up not feeling so stiff and cranky, and the sun is bright and warm today. Twinges of optimism, and not courtesy of white pills. And of course, the Ravens are headed to the AFC Championship! Our next bout of revenge is this Sunday. Wow, it really feels good rooting for this team again in the post season... 2000 seems so long ago. Even with imminent claustrophobia setting in daily, I'm managing to see the brighter side of things. I've yet to make contacts regarding the whole Anxiety Episode. But I'm hoping I can make it to Spring, where the warm weather usually keeps me happy. With more and more revision UNIQUE is becoming more worthy of attention, in my opinion. And as I've started the latest translated VAMPIRE HUNTER D novel, this is usually the time for my creativity to spike. Anyway, gym tonight. My ever-versatile iPhone is stacked with new tunes and albums and I'm ready to roll. Let's see if today

This is something that I've not give much thought about, and I'm not one to self-diagnose, but I have to find out if I have an anxiety disorder. All the symptoms are there: sweating, shortness of breath, headaches, etc. The list goes on. It's hard to concentrate, and I'm sick of excuses for why I'm not writing. It's certainly not lack of love or passion. And I am just a bit too affected on Sundays. The Baltimore Ravens are one of my loves in life, but this football team should in no way affect my attitudes and moods after game day . This, to me, is completely unacceptable. As of late, I've also developed an unnatural fear of death. I have witnessed this transformation seemingly outside of myself. I've never actually been the "worry wart" type, and I'm far from letting this behavior continue. Depression, Anxiety - these are words that I have always abhorred ; figments of the Pharmaceutical Industry's Utopian dream. Quite a bit of this d

Well what do you know! The Ravens won their first Playoff game in wonderfully warm Miami! It was almost 80 degrees! Also I jailbroke my iPhone the other day and I've been playing with it ever since. Red-faced, I have to say I didn't think much about writing or querying these past five days off. I paid my gym membership over the weekend. Something that's becoming habit is my increasingly disturbing anti-social behavior. With Winter here I am perpetually sick, and I'm hoping that the gym will be good for me. I'm assuming I'm offically "depressed." Did I mention that the weather in Miami is nearing 80 degrees?! Wow, heaven... I really need to live in a warmer climate. I hate using the D word, but there may be no other explanation for it. Nothing keeps me happy. I am doing the same thing every day, i.e. I wake up and watch TV, I eat, and I've become vaguely sedentary, which I may or may not have listed in earlier posts. Sedentary. That's my great a