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BEING ELTON ALWINE

This is something that I've not give much thought about, and I'm not one to self-diagnose, but I have to find out if I have an anxiety disorder. All the symptoms are there: sweating, shortness of breath, headaches, etc. The list goes on. It's hard to concentrate, and I'm sick of excuses for why I'm not writing. It's certainly not lack of love or passion. And I am just a bit too affected on Sundays. The Baltimore Ravens are one of my loves in life, but this football team should in no way affect my attitudes and moods after game day. This, to me, is completely unacceptable.

As of late, I've also developed an unnatural fear of death. I have witnessed this transformation seemingly outside of myself. I've never actually been the "worry wart" type, and I'm far from letting this behavior continue. Depression, Anxiety - these are words that I have always abhorred; figments of the Pharmaceutical Industry's Utopian dream.

Quite a bit of this development is apparent in UNIQUE. From the first chapter, a few things happen to Evander that all could be considered catalyst for his reality-wrenching experiences. I don't know if this was planned as part of the plot or if I was just trying to figure out what was going on with me and my curiosity. Regardless, for the sake of my novel and my lifestyle, and I'm going to at least learn more about anti-anxiety treatment, and go from there.

It's odd, but I honestly fell into this strange relaxed feeling when I discovered this, or self-diagnosed myself. I'll let the professionals do the diagnosing (which I always vowed was a hoax), but I feel a little bit better. Perhaps it's because I have a sense of direction, that for years, my novel did not have.

Comments

  1. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 12:33 PM

    Elt I have been on Welbutrin for years. I have anxiety and depression and it works so much. I tried to self diagnose and stop taking the pills and I did for a while. I was doing fine until I started working at my old job. And that job was so stressful. Wow. I worked 6 days a week and long hours. I got back on and I never looked back. I feel good because I am on the pills. I know a lot of people don't want to take pills but I am not ashamed. I call them my crazy pills.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Luke DodgeJanuary 9, 2009 at 1:19 PM

    You shouldn't be ashamed. Even if this is an example of the "Placebo Effect" it works for you, and that's great.

    Where did you go to get some help or reassurance? Did you just see your family physician?

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 9, 2009 at 1:53 PM

    I just went to my doctor and I went to a therapist. My family doctor gave me the welbutrin but the therapist was nice. I don't do therapy anymore. It's a crock, well at least for me. But I can easily talk about anything. I stopped therapy about 5 years ago and only went for a year.
    Thanks for looking at the new blog. I still have my old one. That old one has been like my online diary for years. I'm trying to use the ads on this new one to generate some cash. It's like next to nothing right now but we'll see.

    ReplyDelete

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