In the several years since I've gotten off pills, but not entirely sober either, I've seemingly lost all connection to creativity. Reading, which I usually did all the time, has become harder to do, mostly with a lack of focus. I'm not sure what the hell is going on there... But with all the fiction that I still do read and envelope myself with has been prying open that shuttered part of my brain that used to design worlds and characters, and begged me to step back into that world of creativity again. It's been soo long. Too long? I don't know. I started writing another story the other day when I should have been working, and four or five pages just flowed from my fingertips. That felt good. I'm wondering if I can do this again, or is this a fleeting phase and I'll give it all up at the first chance to look at something shiny and new, or take a nap and forget all about it. All I know is that I love it when the vampires keep me up at night. It's Ha...

Tales of Halloween. I finally got to watch the movie, and it's really fun. Almost as good as Trick or Treat good. It has more stories, for sure. I love horror anthology films, and this one, being Halloween-centric, is near the top of my fave list. One of the stories is about a couple that cannot of a child of their own, and so, the woman's, er, stronger side comes out and does what needs to be done. It's horrifying, honestly. And Pollyanna McIntosh is gorgeous in this skit, if not terrifying. She's a sexy witch! There's a couple stories that I didn't care for, like the slasher killer story. It just wasn't my thing. The story with the little devil and the big devil going all anarchy on the neighborhood was incredible. And Barry Bostwick does a tremendous Satan.  But I think maybe the best story is Sweet Tooth. It was gruesome and I didn't see it coming. This guy could have his own movie. And This Means War story is just fantastic, and it kind of tells the...

  Time for a grand marathon of Universal Movie Monsters. I've got a two liter of Diet Pepsi, and bags of candy. If the trick or treaters knock, they can have the candy. If not, well, it will get eaten one way or the other. Happy Halloween, everyone! I hope it's bloody wonderful.

I don't know if I'll keep this journal any longer. I have given up writing about Evander, Tammie, and his vampire nightmare. The angels, vampires, werewolves, magicians and the supernatural world of UNIQUE has left me feeling a bit of a failure, and I haven't even attempted to edit the story or pursue publication for months now. There came a point when I looked back and realized I really was not the writer I had thought I was. I am not talented. I cannot create a deep universe based on gothic demons and it weighed heavily on my soul. After all, that's what I put into this story. But the story was never complete, going in any which direction with the change of my mood, and there was simply no direction most of the time. I look back now and wonder if I was in so much of an painkiller haze that I actually thought what I was writing was any good. I truly feel like I am leaving something to rot, to fester in my imagination like mold through bread. And I am completely heart...

For the past three days I've been celebrating. The Baltimore Ravens are Superbowl XLVII Champions and I have been blissful since 11pm Sunday night. We, my nephew and I, waited in the cold city for four hours yesterday for the Ravens parade, and it was worth all of the potential frostbite! Coach Harbaugh actually said "I love you, too," to me, and I nearly fainted like a school girl! This was also Ray Lewis's last ride, and I'll be honest, I got extremely emotional. I haven't been able to read or write since the big game. I'm just overcome with happiness! It may be weeks before things get back to normal in Baltimore...

Well it's Superbowl Sunday. My Baltimore Ravens. The City of Baltimore on edge, excited, and I'm high on two cups of Caramel macchiato. This is not just a game, no matter what my girlfriend keeps telling me. This is the height of civic pride. And I find it hard to explain what it means to be so fervent about a team to her. She should know by now that those are hurtful words after our seven+ years together. Orioles baseball and Ravens football mean the world to me. And today will monumental, one way or the other. I literally prayed last night for a win. I just can't take a loss. I'll be back later tonight to let you know what I'm feeling... Go Ravens!

So this is what happens when you miss the opportunity of a lifetime...? No job, for over a year; ample opportunity to workout at the gym;  had the time to write, write, and write some more, but what do I do? Sulk. Lay in deep depression most of the time. It's unbelievable what depression is capable of on the human psyche. I finally got what I always wanted: the chance to stay at home and write, and get paid mildly for it, and I blow it! But alas I'm only human. And I can't do anything about the past. But the past year wasn't all that bad, really! My Baltimore Orioles broke the curse of 14 successive losing seasons and went to the playoffs; they were one game away from a Championship game. I got to visit Fenway Park and watch the Orioles beat the Sox--how great is that?!--I waited a lifetime, it seems, for this to happen. The 2nd annual Grand Prix of Baltimore came and went, with some rain, and I'm looking forward to the 3rd race. Star-Spangled Sailabration broug...